Kehinde Ajanlekoko is a trader. She has four kids. Three of her children are in the university, while the last refused to further his education opting to learn a trade. Hard as she tried, the boy refused to go to school.
Ajanlekoko said, “many people do not know how hard I tried to convince to go school, but he refused. Now everyone is blaming me for not sending him to school and leaving him to be a truant in the street.”
Many-a-time, based on our communities, sometimes, the environment we live in, African parents are blamed for their children’s bad behaviours even after they had put in their very best to inculcate discipline in every aspect of their children’s lives.
Elizabeth, a mother of three, said: “It is funny how many parents are being judged for the recklessness of their children. I know of this 45 year old man, who is not married, but still lives in his parents’ house, because he does not want to take up responsibility. People around, including me, have many times blamed his parents for just watching him. Whereas, he could see children who call him daddy get married and give birth. Please, tell me are the parents really to blame? As with every relationship, a time will come where the parents would have little or no say in their children’s life and such parents should not be blamed for the irresponsibility or recklessness of certain age group of children.”
There are several cases where parents shout, talk or beat (as the African parent believes in the use of ‘rod’ or physical chastisement as a form of training). Some parents even go as far as reporting their children to welfare homes and religious heads for discipline to be imbibed in the life of such a child, but the same child remains adamant and turns deaf ears on all the admonitions given by the parents. Hence, bringing shame and reproach to the family name; still, the parents get blamed.
Also, Olorunfemi Salami, a father of four, said, “I think it is so unfair how we parents often get criticised based on our children’s behaviour. It is important to remember that every parent, regardless of their cultural background, faces challenges in raising their children. We should not let stereotypes cloud our judgments.”
A child’s immoral behaviour does not always have to be the result of ‘poor upbringing’ or ‘lack of home training’ as often misinterpreted.
This is indeed an issue of great concern. The unfair stereotyping of parents owing to the behaviour of their children is an unjust practice, which is common especially in this part of Africa.
Parents are humans too and not magicians or gods, hence, there should not be too much expectations from them as this does not only worry them much, but it also makes them have a high expectation on their children, which sometimes is not good for the children.
Instances Where Parents Have Been Unfairly Criticised As A Result Of Children’s Behaviours
Alliances: Many times, African parents have been unjustly assessed as a result of the kind of company/friends their children keep. And this is not because the parents have not tried in vain but because such a child sees the company as a desirable and a ‘happening’ one.
Preferences: African parents have also been unfairly criticised over their children’s preferences or choices who are of course old enough to differentiate their right from wrong. Take for example, a young girl, who ventures into relationships with men old enough to be her father also known as ‘sugar daddies’, will be directed to her parents especially her mother for ‘bad upbringing’ or people might say ‘her mother did a poor job raising her.’
Although, this is an adult who knows that her actions are unacceptable and sinful in the sight of God but still does it regardless.
Irresponsibility: Parents are not left out in the bashing and blame for their children’s irresponsibility. Take for example, a young girl whose mother tried her best to train her to be domesticated and homely, but disregarded such training as she prefers to lazy around and be on social media all day rather than doing the necessary work/chores as expected in the home. When such a girl gets married, and turns out to be a bad housekeeper and an irresponsible wife, the blame is put on the mother for poor upbringing.
What then is the way out or the solution to this?
This issue requires a multi-faced approach. First is the need to promote cultural education. This can help clear the stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding African parents and their children’s behaviour. This can be achieved through workshops, seminars, and educational campaigns.
Also, providing community support and resources for African parents can help them navigate challenges and address any concerns about their children’s behaviour. This can include parenting classes, counselling services and mentorship programmes.
