The fear of not being good enough
What is the fear of not being good enough? A number of us women suffer from this fear which holds us back from reaching our highest potential. I was terrified to resign from my 9-5 and begin my journey as a business woman, and even now that I have made the leap and I’m in it, for better or worse, I’m still scared for at least a little bit every day. There are moments when I believe that I’m not strong enough, productive enough, talented enough to make this work. No matter how much I’ve proven myself that I am indeed good enough, I still have moments of doubt when I think that maybe it was just luck or good timing and not actually “ME” sometimes quite shocked at what I can do, but then again why should I be?
Of course, Not every day is like this. There are times when I feel really confident when I believe in my own ability, but I seldom forget these abilities when I’m mired in my feelings of self-doubt, or when I feel like I can’t possibly measure up to the success of other women entrepreneurs I watch and admire.
The constant worry that you may not be good enough makes a lot of women feel pressured to be the best they can be at everything; from being a wife to a mother, friend, sister, daughter, aunty, boss, etc. It isn’t humanly possible to be the best in everything. I think the most important thing is to try to do the best you can rather than try to be the best. They are two different things. so what happens is when you fail to “be the best” you beat yourself up, you think “I’m not good enough” but when you try to “do your best” and you fail, at least you know you tried, and you can keep working hard in trying to do the best you can do to be the best version of yourself for yourself and not for anyone else.
Study after study confirms that this desire to be everything to everyone and the subsequent fear of not being “good enough” is pervasive, especially among women.
And I’ve personally seen it manifesting itself not only in our professional lives but in our personal lives as well. There’s no denying that it’s detrimental to our personal and professional progress, to our relationships, and most importantly, to our love for and confidence in ourselves.
“There are, of course, a lot of varying factors that contribute to not feeling good enough, including the usual suspects: the unrealistic portrayal of women in fashion and media; the seemingly constant murmurs to be the best wife/mother/boardroom executive you can be; and, of course, Beyoncé.
If we recognize and pay attention to the source of our self-doubt, there’s a greater likelihood that we’ll be conscious of it and able to work through it once it starts to creep in. So it’s important to note that two of the biggest proponents of low self-worth require a little more self-reflection: constant comparison of ourselves to other women (particularly on social media platforms) and the insane amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do, be, and have it all.
As a society, we’ve identified invisible markers of success: do you have a booming career and a nice house? Are you married? Are you healthy and conventionally fit? More often than not, we compare ourselves to those we feel have already reached these “accomplishments” even if their actual reality may be different than what we perceive or if our personal definition of success isn’t on par with someone else’s.” (Jenna Arak, “theeverygirl.com”)
“No one is perfect and instead of pretending we are, we should be acknowledging the strengths we do have and focusing on the positive,” Stephanie Siefert adds.
The truth is comparing yourself with other people can never be a helpful tool in overcoming your fear. it just puts you under more pressure, and that pressure will lead to destruction, doing things you wouldn’t normally do to be like these women you see as successful. At the end of the day what you need to realize is that everyone’s success is different, and no one is perfect. create your own definition of success and try to reach
that level as best you can.
For every misstep you’ve made, for every opportunity you’ve missed, for everything you wish you’d said, remember: you’ve done so much more right. When we are bogged down by where we fall short, we’re blind to everything we do have going for us. Every moment when we make the right move or say the right thing, we do have moments when we are good enough. More than good enough.
We need to give more credence to those moments. Write them down and return to them when you need to. Be proud of yourself. You are far wiser than the mistakes you’ve made. You are far better than the moments you wish you could do differently. You are worth more inside and out than you give yourself credit for. All of us are.
You are good enough.