Issues  

The most important travel…

PHOTO: vagabond3.com

It’s been opined that infidelity in a marriage could be indicative of two things-majorly…either something needs fixing in the marriage or the marriage has hit the rocks for good.

Only with calmness in the midst of it all would one know which is staring him or her in the face.

Not that there is justification for any action or inaction that will end up hurting a beloved, but then, the only time some of us really pay attention is when it has become dire.

In matters of the heart…our greatest undoing is our mindset.

When a marriage packs up and you ‘must’ leave, firstly-GO FIND YOURSELF. Forget man/woman issues. Make yourself the project through self- improvement and empowerment. When you are in a good place (emotionally)-you will stop attracting lousy fellows.

Somehow, the Universe knows when you are truly ready for ‘the next level’. If you really learn to go into relationships with just the mindset of being happy at the moment, you will have a relaxed approach towards these things. I have never believed for once that good men and women are scarce. I will rather say that people of substance are not everywhere. And if you have to do ‘a person of substance,’ you up your game in every way you can. Not by plastic or desperate antics but by genuinely getting your acts together!

Where and how you search matters, too. When you search wrongly…wrong choices will keep you company.

A single mother, gainfully employed, sent in a relationship request, sometime back. Very lovely lady oo. She was rather ‘too good’ to an undeserving man who cleaned her out in a most heartless way. Years now down the line, we are still searching for a man from a particular state. Her ex-husband is from the same state o. One other guy, who felt he was too good for her, is also from that state.

A lot of good men have since come and gone while our lady (now in her early forties) was bent on only considering men from a particular state.
Ok, she has added another state…and that’s coming about three years later! You know what is wrong with this?

She is looking in the wrong direction!

It is easier to find a man who can embrace her kind of baggage from elsewhere in the country than where she is looking. And it doesn’t matter that some of them (from her preferred ‘where’) have heavier baggage o.

In fact, the second guy from that state she dated has a failed marriage, about four children and no job…yet he was choosier than choosy.

At a point she began to consider taking back the ex, rather than consider men from other regions. I tried pointing out the looming danger but later chose to stay in my lane when it seemed I was meddling too much.

Like the leopard that never changes its spotting he stung her, even harder, before disappearing again.

And so-she is back…searching. A journey that we started when she was in her late-30’s!

Some people are what they have become due to who we let ourselves be, especially with them. Placing the wrong ones on pedestals that they do not deserve is most disadvantageous to anyone, especially in relationships. Why should you be hung on desiring who doesn’t desire you? Why should you want someone who doesn’t know you exist? Why should you look twice at one who thinks he/she is too good for you? Why can’t women make themselves learn to embrace love however it comes? Why must it be that particular man/woman from a certain place?

Are all the bad marriages in this world coming from those who married across cultures and religions? When you are open enough, happiness/love can find you from the quarters you least expect it from. Learn to observe individual traits more than you bother with where someone comes from, his/her religion and looks. Someone somewhere will be ‘fine’ with you…regardless of your baggage. We hold ourselves back with limiting mindset.

A lady contacted me to match-make her some time back. By the time she listed the ‘sinners’ career line’ (e.g. the police, army, customs, immigration, and a few others that I can’t readily recall) that she doesn’t want a man from, I said (mentally) to her ‘’all the best.’’

There also men who believe that female bankers and air hostesses are “every man’s property.” Some people are widely travelled but their mindsets are still stuck in their villages. The most important travel is the one you do with your mind. At least, you will gain an open mind and begin to see life beyond your nose. Only with an open mind would you begin to handle people on individual merits and not where they come from, their job or looks.

…For character far outweighs those-when the chips are down!

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Chukwuneta ObyInfidelity


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