Why do you lie…? Is it worth sacrificing your intimacy?

lyingKeeping in mind that lying usually starts with a white lie. For example, “ The food will be ready in the next five minutes.” Or “Yes, Ayo and Dele were with me yesterday.” We rationalize and define them as being harmless and not likely not to become recurrent nor affect an important relationship. Many continue to tell them for the same reasons they tell other lies with similar results that can lead to a cycle of bad consequences.

Often we justify our lies because we believe that by telling them we are protecting the feelings of another. We do have a tendency to judge as well as observe details of what is involved at the time and not say unsavoury or cruel things just because it went through your mind, or would you now?

There are different types of lies, and either can cause problems.

These problematic lies are known as outright and withholding lies: An Outright Lie is whereby you are agreeing to something you truly do not really agree to; and A Withholding Lie is when you deliberately choose to, for example, not to tell someone you are annoyed or say you agree with certain behaviour when you don’t. Why would you feel the need and want to tell either type of lie? Is it because you have or are just wanting to show you have high moral standards; maybe your intention is to keep someone safe, protect them from potential harm, you feel you do not want to hurt or perhaps embarrass the person? All well and good, but then, what lies beneath this action to some degree is a form of deviousness and manipulation because you are probably afraid of an unwelcome, perhaps unintended, consequence of an action due to your own belief and feelings, and as the lies increase, they make you behave differently depending who you are with at the time turning you into someone you normally are not thus self believing that other people will like and admire you?

Your lying behaviour becomes habit, and your life becomes a game of pretence but you don’t even realise it because the lies become naturally common. You are unable to care about the lies robbing you of feelings of intimacy including your self confidence, thereby creating a distance between you and another because of your untruthfulness. When you lack sincerity and honesty, genuine real closeness becomes practically impossible due to this pretence you have developed within your relationships; you feel a distance develop albeit admitted or not by either persons.

All that deceit… Are games of lies truly worth playing? Are you living your life real or playing out scenes of pretence as actors do? Just who is truly lying to whom? So, is lying worth sacrificing your intimacy and risking emotional and physical health issues?
Blog: www.maryalade.wordpress.com

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