Over 20 years ago, I bought a book written by a pastor about the relationship he had with his dog. He said he was so close to his dog that if he went swimming with his dog and drifted towards the deep end of the water; his dog would swim after him — pulling his legs as if saying: ‘Don’t go too deep.’ He said that once in a while when his mother was looking the other way, he would sneak the dog into his bedroom and it will sleep in his room. He truly loved this dog.
Whenever it was time for him to come home from school every day, the dog will wait in front of the house; tail wagging in delight to welcome him home. One fateful day as he walked towards his home from school, some other dogs started barking viciously at him. His dog sighted him and ran towards him to fight off the other dogs and save his beloved owner and friend.
As the dogs challenged each other; they strayed into the road right in front of a moving car. The car sped off the road, but there on the ground lay his beloved dog injured and bleeding after being hit by the car. He ran to carry the dog, so, he could take it home for treatment but each time he wanted to hold his dog, it would attempt to bite him. This process went on until his beloved dog finally bled to death. The lesson Pastor J. Richards was trying to pass in this book is that hurting people bite.
In the course of growing up, many people may have passed through emotional wounds and pains and if these wounds are not healed and the pains dealt with before marriage, it is very likely that such people will behave in a manner that their spouse may not understand. Years ago, I had to handle a matter between a pastor’s wife and the church congregation.
She picked up quarrels with the people when the issues at stake were not enough to cause anger or quarrels. When I dug deep into the matter, I discovered that many years ago, her husband who is also the pastor of the congregation was not well treated by the people a couple of times. Even though the people had by now matured, changed and moved on to love their pastor better than they did in the past; any innocent error by them made her pick quarrels.When she was made to realise that she had wounds in her memories that needed to be healed, she listened, repented and uprooted the past perceived acts of injustice from her heart.
Her marriage and relationships then stabilised. The harshness, the in-built defense mechanism and some of the easy flowing tears displayed by some people may be as a result of a painful past. A little spark or a little matter can cause a volcanic eruption and make such people behave in a manner that their spouses may not understand. It is on this basis that I normally advise couples to meet highly skilled marriage counselors for the healing of their wounded emotions before they get married.
I tell them that in as much as they will never find the best footballer in the world going to play a football match with a serious injury until he is healed; this is how it is not good for a man or woman to go into marriage without healing their injured and painful emotions. Remember, all wounded emotions can be healed. Love you!
