True Story: I Really Messed Up

Couple arguing. Photo: Owambe

I have been married for a little over a year to a man that I have known for almost nine years.

Our relationship has been rocky from the start and I decided to marry him because I loved him, or so I thought, but maybe because of my own dysfunction.

He has cheated on me, abused me and did all sorts of things before we were married. However, the abuse and cheating has stopped, as far as I know, except for sometime ago when the girl he cheated on me with said he tried to contact her, but she didn’t answer. This was just six weeks ago.

After I initially found out about the cheating, I was heartbroken. We weren’t married when his cheating began, but I didn’t find out about it until after we were married.

We had lost a child at birth the year prior to our marriage and the cheating was happening after this. I was in a bad place in my life and in my mind and sought the comfort of another.

Fast-forward to six weeks ago, I found out that I am pregnant with the other man’s child. My husband knows I am pregnant, but of course, thinks it is his.

Our marriage still isn’t great and I have just made it worse. I don’t know if I should have an abortion or keep the baby.

My husband and I tried desperately for a child, but she died at birth and one round of IVF was unsuccessful. This time, it happened immediately. I was careless and stupid for thinking it wouldn’t happen that easily.

Telling my husband the absolute truth is not an option! It is either keep the baby and tell my husband nothing or abort.

The man I am pregnant by knows and says he is willing to go along with whatever I decide. He is not someone I think I will end up with in the long run, although his is a nice guy. He understands the predicament and isn’t sure what is best either. We are both scared and unsure.

I will never again sleep with another man while married and had never done so before. I deeply regret the chaos I have caused and would like some help in finding direction.

This is the hardest decision in my life.

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