Do you have a moody spouse ?
Being moody is not a bad thing. A lot of people often get moody when they’re under a lot of stress, relationship issues and sometimes it could be dealing with serious health issues that need to be dealt with by a certified doctor or specialist.
But assuming it’s “normal” moodiness and not a situation that requires professional help, the first and most important thing to consider as you deal with a moody boyfriend or spouse is that it’s not your job to always be the one “smoothing things over.” you also get in a moody state sometimes right…who would take care of you when you are in that state? Think about it.
Some of the women I know were raised to always take care of the men, as if they were giant overgrown toddlers. If a man was hungry/sad/careless, the women would rush to feed/listen/clean up after them. And when the men were angry, the women tiptoed around, and did their best to “make the men happy.” what the hell is that. Are they some sort of a god or something? In some cases, this can create a real bully. If there is never anyone to question or object to their moods and tantrums, a man can begin to feel like he has every right to behave however he wants, whenever he wants and that’s bull crap.
It would be easy to blame the men for being so self-centered, but in fact, it takes two to create this sort of imbalance. A healthy relationship is and should be reciprocal, rather than one-sided.
Yes no doubt that sometimes he’s frustrated and anxious and you are there to help him deal with it, and sometimes you get to be the one experiencing the stress overload, with him there to help you. So consider these: How emotionally balanced does your whole relationship feel and What are each of you contributing to the imbalance?
To dealing with your moody boyfriend or spouse and their moodiness, learn these..
Don’t Reward Constant Moodiness
Rather than scurrying around to try and keep your moody boyfriend happy, you can take a different track. Try ignoring his moods, and waiting to interact with him when he’s on an even keel. If he isn’t getting a reaction out of you with his drama, but does gain your willing attention when he works to control his emotions, he may have more incentive to keep his moodiness in check. Trust me.
Model Good Emotional Processing
If you’re able to keep your head when a moody boyfriend is behaving dramatically, you can calmly describe what you see him doing, and invite him to share what’s going on for him. Something like:’’You seem really upset. Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” If he’s willing to share, don’t get emotional yourself, but simply tell him what you’re hearing. For example, “Wow, your boss was really hard on you again today. I can see how you’re starting to worry that you might lose your job.”Or, “It sounds like you really wish you didn’t have to deal with a mother who is chronically ill, and constantly in and out of treatment centers. It’s a lot for you to carry…” that’s for a spouse that has his mother in and out of hospitals…you get me, right? Even if he’s making accusations about you, do your best to not get drawn into the whirlwind. If you’re feeling stable, you can mirror back what he’s saying.
Don’t Rush to “Fix” It
His crisis is not your crisis. His emotional emergency is not your problem to fix right this minute. You can certainly invite him to share what he’s thinking about doing, but just because there’s a problem doesn’t mean he wants or needs you to intervene, or that it would even be helpful to try when he’s in the middle of a mood swing. If it is a situation that involves you, you can agree to have a calm conversation about it at a future time you both agree to.
Take Top-Notch Care of Yourself
Dealing with a moody boyfriend or spouse can be draining, so be sure to take good care of yourself first. Make yourself priority once in a while…it’s not a bad thing at all. Try and treat yourself to plenty of quiet time, as well as time with close friends and people who have your best interest at heart. Get help if you need it, and be smart about how long you let things go. If this is his constant state, and you never see any kind of improvement, this may not be the kind of relationship you want to be in. Trust me.
To our happiness. Cheers.
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