Easy does it
There are a few life lessons I often share with anyone who cares to listen and so far, the one I believe in the most is that nothing worth having comes easy.
I had thrown away something I took for granted because it had come to me so easily and now I had absolutely no idea how to get it back! When my brother Adefemi and his family came over for dinner that evening, I decided to seize the opportunity to seek counsel.
“So what’s been going on with you lil sis?” Adefemi asked as he sipped his brandy. We had come out to the balcony to get some air and talk after dinner.
I shrugged and then I responded “Nothing much”.
He laughed out loud.
“I should let you know that your mother is worried about you. She has called me endlessly to tell me so”. He said.
I was surprised! Ever since I called off my wedding, my mother had barely said a word to me. She was disappointed that I had deprived her of the society wedding of the year, after she had sent out invites to all her friends and women society associates. “Are you sure she wasn’t just saying that so you would come and spend some time with her? She has barely spoken to me in the last two months”. I said with a sarcastic note in my voice.
“She sounded genuinely worried sis”. Adefemi said.
“The other day, I was speaking to daddy in their living room and I heard her speaking to someone on the phone about why she couldn’t attend the women’s society meeting in church because she was sure all the women were mocking her over the cancelled wedding; and just yesterday evening I overheard her telling her gossip partner Aunt Vivian that people are spreading rumours that Tunji caught me another man and called off the wedding. I swear she hates me”. I insisted.
“I don’t know why you two are given to so much drama! You are just a miniature version of her. I wonder how dad copes with both of you under the same roof!” Adefemi exclaimed while rolling his eyes.
I hit him playfully on the shoulder. My mother was dramatic no doubt but I definitely wasn’t!
“Anyway mum is worried about you, but I can see you’re doing fine except there is something you are not telling me”. He said with a serious expression on his face.
I was not sure how to approach the issue so I decided to be subtle about it.
“Why is it that when women make certain decisions, we are labelled all sorts of things but when men make the same decisions people make excuses for them”? I asked my brother as he took another sip of his brandy.
He cleared his throat and then responded:
“Like moving on so quickly. I mean I got distracted by another man no doubt, but it was only because I panicked and got cold feet. I never went through with it. But Tunji started another relationship almost immediately after, yet I am the one with a scarlet S on her forehead”. I said. “It’s different for guys you know. Women tend to internalize things when they are hurting and so it takes them a longer time to react but guys… we just react immediately. So his getting into another relationship so quickly might actually be an indication of how badly you hurt him”. Adefemi explained.
Hmmmmm….I had never thought about it that way. I had simply assumed that his new relationship was an indication that he had moved on and completely forgotten about me. Was my brother now collaborating Tosin’s theory on the power of the rebound girl?
“So if he is hurting so much that he had to run off into the arms of another woman, why didn’t he just let me know! I mean wouldn’t it have been easier to talk to me than to go ahead and complicate things even further”? I asked in obvious frustration.
“Are we talking about the same Tunji? Tunji Banjoko? Do you not know his ego is larger than the national museum? Let me give you a hint, when it comes to men pay more attention to what they do than what they say.” Adefemi said.
Just as I was about to respond, his five year old bundle of energy Bolatito came bouncing in, followed closely by his sister. The conversation quickly drifted to their account of an incident that had just occurred while they were watching cartoons in the living room which was obviously now causing a rift between them; and just before my brother returned with them to the crime scene to resolve the matter, he said to me: “If you want him back Adesewa, just tell him”.
In my attempt to come up with a grand plan, I had simply forgotten that it could be as easy as just telling him how I felt. I took my brother’s advice, but I was not prepared for what happened next.
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