Men and Lies

liesMost times men lie but they also have their reasons for lying to us. Now it’s only natural to feel terrible when you just discovered the man you love has lied to you – again. It hurts. It throws you off balance. It makes you angry. It messes with your emotions and makes you question your own self-worth.

So what does a self-confident strong woman do when she finds out her man has just lied again? All men lie that’s for sure. And I hate to bring up the obvious, but women do too! However, if we take a closer look at the reasons why men lie, this might give you some insight on how a strong woman should handle this situation. For some women, honesty, or rather the lack thereof, is an automatic deal breaker. I do think, however, that it depends on the guy, the circumstance, the frequency, the reason for the lie, and last but very much not least, what you as the woman want to do in that situation.

The first thing to consider is that there are lies, and then there are lies. A man telling you he was at his friends place when he was actually shopping for a surprise gift for you, but gets caught in that lie, obviously has some extenuating circumstances. However, if your man has been getting lovey-dovey with another woman while you think he is out working, it is quite a different story. I think we would all agree on that! So do not fly off the handle until you have all the information. In fact, flying off the handle is never a good idea anyway. But making careful, informed decisions will go a long way to give you whatever it is you are hoping for in the situation, or even if it leads to a breakup, you can be rest assured that it was not your overly-emotional reaction that caused it.

The number one reason men lie to women is not to hide something from a woman, but to stay out of trouble. That’s just the plain truth ladies. Men love to keep their women happy and if he has done something that he knows would disappoint you, he is going to try and avoid that at all cost. If a lie (especially if he believes he could get away with it without you ever finding out) looks like a solution, trust me, he would pick that route, rather than seeing you unhappy. This is why it is important to try and figure out why he would have lied to you. 99% of the time it would be to avoid needless trouble.

So does that make it okay to lie? Absolutely not, but this may be a wakeup call to you that something is lacking in the communication between you and your guy. Let me ask you: How do you usually react when he does something that does not please you? Do you overreact, or act appropriately? If your guy sees that you remain confidently in control and realize that he is a human being, he will feel safer with you and that’s the truth, to be honest. And even if he does disappoint you, if you can be matured about it, instead of demeaning him, he would be more willing to come clean about something in future. And when he does, do love him for it!

So, now I want to turn to the ladies who are mature enough to stay calm in conflict situations, so that your man should feel comfortable enough to be honest with you, but you have yet again caught him in a lie. And it is not a little white lie. It’s the mother of all lies. What do you do? I’ll start with what you will absolutely not do. You will not think you did something to cause it. You are not in a relationship with a toddler where you have to take responsibility for everything he does. If he is a mature male who has been with you long enough to know you are level-headed and he does something that is sure to end the relationship unless you don’t find out, but you do, this is not a situation where your own self-confidence or worth should be part of the equation.

The second thing you do not want to do is to join him in the lies by begining to lie to yourself about him or the health of your relationship. If you are upset with him for being dishonest, you better use that same yardstick on yourself. Do not make up excuses for his behavior.

And lastly, but most importantly, take a moment out of the situation so that you can think clearly and ask yourself: What do you want to see happen? Give yourself enough credit for being smart enough to figure out what is in your best interest. And be confident enough in yourself to make your decisions on what to do next based on what you want. If it is something that has the potential to break you two apart, ask yourself if you are ready for that. But be careful. We teach people how to treat us. If he has lied to you before about something important and you just brush it off every time, don’t expect anything to change. Only you will know exactly what you need to do! It is also dependent on your situation; is he someone you’ve been dating for a couple of months, or is this your husband and father of your children? All these things will have a great impact on what you decide to do next. The most important thing you can do is to stay calm (even if you have to leave the situation for a moment to gather your thoughts) and make decisions on what you need. And only after that do you address it with him calmly.

There is also a section of ladies out there (and be honest, you know who you are), that are in relationships with bad guys who will lie frequently regardless of what you do or do not do. For you all I can say is, maybe it is time to cut your losses, value yourself and move on to someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Lastly ladies, don’t try and set your guy up for failure by asking him questions like “Does this make my butt look big?” never ask that. Guys can be pretty confusing. They do many things that we don’t understand because we are not wired the same way. You can avoid a lot of frustration by educating yourself on how a man thinks and why he does some of the (seemingly insane) things that he does, or misinterpreting something he does that could potentially make a mountain out of a molehill and lead to the end of an otherwise great relationship. Even more importantly, men crave women who understand them. A man would walk over hot coals with a smile on his face for a woman who gets him! Unfortunately, most women expect men to think exactly the same way they do. You can avoid the frustration and the problems by knowing what goes on in his mind.

Relationships should not feel like work but unfortunately they often do. However, we’ll learn more on how to deal with other issues as time goes on.

To our happiness. Cheers.

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