Issues  

Sex carries 60% blame in high rate of separation and divorce- Mo Darasayo, sex therapist


We do know that a healthy sex in marriage is one of the most commonly cited traits among happy couples when asked how they make it work.  These couples have managed to maintain intimacy for years, still enjoying their bond and maintaining the fondness they have for one another.

Sex and marriage go hand in hand. If you can buy this argument, you can most likely understand why it so important in a marriage. Intimacy enhances long-term relationships, and this is what Sex Therapist Mo Darasayo advocates for.

Mo Darasayo (MDS) is a Sex Enthusiast and Therapist. She helps people overcome problems of bad sex through therapy. An initiative she started due to her personal experience over 20 months ago and having counselled over 10 couples and many individuals, she decided to take it up as a job and build it up as a notable brand in the industry. She shares her personal journey and joy of seeing marriages work with me in this inspiring interview.

Childhood Influence
I grew up in a polygamous home, last child of eight. Had my primary education in St. Michaels School, Ibadan before I moved to Galaxy Schools for Common Entrance Examination, then proceeded to Our Lady of Apostles Mary, Odo Ona Way for my Secondary education. Then studied Accounting in higher Institutions. Not so close to dad until mom passed away in 2006. And growing up I don’t hear much about sex. It’s either about religion or education.

I’m either in church or school. Most novels I read back in school were mostly about education. No lovey-dovey, if my steps found me reading anything relating to sex or romance, I might be in trouble. So I stayed off. My childhood didn’t prepare me for what I am doing right now, I’ll say marriage did.

Inspiration behind my passion for the Sex Industry
Okay, I’ve been looking for a platform to share this personal experience, it’s about time. Sex Therapy Industry is the last place I thought I’ll found myself. I mean, by age and experience I don’t belong here. But here I’m at the place. After leaving school I had the opportunity to work in the Media, worked under Mrs Funmi Davies Farodoye on her then programme Wazobia Plus at Mitv. We moved to LTV 8 in Ikeja to start another programme, opportunity came again to work with PR Media on AfRIMA project in 2016. This was my journey plus my Food Business before I started my job as a Therapist in 2018.

I got married in 2015 and before marriage, my hubby and I lived miles apart. Away from the fact that as a religious person, the said distance caused a big issue for us. We got married and then I got to know I do not have the stamina I should have for sex, by stamina, I meant urge. Pregnancy came and I couldn’t keep up with sex, was in and out of the hospital for almost all the period and when I finally put to bed it was through Caesarian Session. I could remember vividly my husband and I didn’t have sex for solid eight months after my first child, because he was scared I gave birth through CS, we didn’t know better. After this whole thing I realised we had both lost it, when he wanted sex, I don’t want, when I’m horny he’s not in the mood. Sooner than expected he got transfer to another state. That was another sour beginning in our sex life. We’d go months without sex and physical touch. Then one day I talked to a friend about my predicament because I was tired. Then I heard worse, (lol). She told me even her own husband that lives with her is not touching her as expected that it’s marriage thing, we tend to get tired of ourselves because we see often (see finish syndrome). I knew there was more, so I started doing my research and reading online. Then I found help and decided to start helping people with their sex lives, because sex is not even the way some of us see it. Beyond the physical thrust and touch, sex is psychological. I started like a joke on my favourite social platform (Facebook) and today by God’s grace it’s become something I’m known for, added to the tutelage I received to prepare me for the journey.

How you can differentiate Love and Lust, and how to sight a red flag
Love and Lust looks same, but not the same and can never be same. And it will take God’s grace to know if a man truly wants you with the intentions of marriage or just wants to get laid. A man can pretend to be in love with you for months, even years, pretending to be there for you and giving you everything they could afford just to get laid with you and after sex would desert you.

Testimonials
In almost two years of doing online and off-line Therapy sessions, I’ve had amazing testimonies. From teaching how to have a good and balanced sex life on Facebook, to having one-on-one session with couples and intending couples, the testimonies have been massive. One that stood out was this lady with Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) that sent me a mail this year, after few weeks of online therapy; she’s doing so well in bed with her partner now. In her words: “I’m glad I know you Mo, the world needs more people like you.”

Sex is Important to Marriage
Sex is very very important in marriage. To have and live a good married life, your sex life must be the bomb. Know what your partner wants, varieties of sex styles, suitable times their body want sex. Keep exploring and compromise. When you’re not in the mood for sex, communicate with your partner. Sex is never too much and should not be too much.

Sex as a factor of divorce and marriage
Sex carries 60 per cent blames in high rate of separation and divorce in this time. I once had a therapy session with a couple where the man threatened to cheat on the wife if she doesn’t up her sex games. And when emotional issues like this come in, problems abound. I tell couples that their sex lives depends on both parties, like I said earlier, it’s all about what we both want and how we can reach an agreement. If it takes having a timetable to achieve your aim as a couple, go ahead and whatever issues you feel you need to sort, speak about it and seek professional help. Seek Therapy not Kayamata.

In this article:
Mo Darasayosex
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