Too good to leave or too bad to stay
I have actually asked myself this question a couple of times in my relationship. This question keeps people in a miserable state of relationship limbo sometimes for their entire life.
So do you find yourself in this type of situation? Is your relationship mostly, kind of sort of, pretty much, just barely good enough to make you want to stay or is it sometimes mostly crappy, kind of hopeless, hurtful, degrading, disrespectful and just bad enough to make you want to leave?
Most of us who get stuck in this limbo think the only options are:
1. Suck it up, deal with it and hope something changes.
2. Leave for the promise of greener pastures.
I wasted many years paralyzed between these two because I did not know there was another option. Nobody had told me about another option. The third one is called, “Decide to be better and create better”.
I know it sounds overly simple and completely “unactionable”, does’nt it? What does it mean? Does it mean be better? Create better? You might be looking at the wrong words in the third option when all you really need to do at this moment is DECIDE. I have this personal message on my blackberry messenger that has been there for quite sometime now. It goes thus: I decide what I choose, what I accept and what I settle for. I DECIDE.
You need to make a decision to not accept options 1 and 2. Put your foot down to make a decision to do something different. Do not get stuck in limbo because you are not sure how to be better or create a better relationship yet. That is like refusing to mount your bicycle for the first time because you are not quite clear on the whole “motion dynamics” thing. If you just make a decision to ride the bike, you find out there is nothing to be afraid of. You do not have to know exactly what you are going to do. You know other kids have figured it out and you will too even if you do crash and burn a few times.
The same thing goes for the third option. You do not have to know exactly what it means to be better and create better. But you can be sure that someone else has figured it out and you can to. All you have to do is make a decision to get on the bike. Once you make your decision to try option 3, you will probably have the same reaction that I have had. “Why didn’t someone make me understand this a long time ago?”
You see, the third option is exactly like deciding to get on the bike. Once you decide to start being a different person and start creating a better relationship, you will not look back. You will wonder what the fuss was about, you will not even think about the other options.
I cannot say for sure if the third option will save your relationship though but I can tell you this is not about saving your first option “just suck it up” type of relationship. Who actually wants that back anyway? This is about deciding to learn how to change your attitude and your ability to create a new relationship. The one you have always wanted. The one your man wants too.
This is where you finally get out of limbo and become very clear and intentional about the relationship you will have in your life. It is about committing to new expectations of yourself. “Too good to leave or too bad to stay?” becomes the wrong thinking. The right one becomes, “I think he will make the decision to join me in this new relationship”
If he truly wants the same safe, respectful, loving, and intimate relationship you do, his decision should be easy. He will love the fact that you decided to check out the third option. Just get on the bike already. DECIDE today.
To our happiness. Cheers.
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