What do I do to keep him?

Here’s a message that a lady sent me, recently. My response comes after the message.

Read her first…
“I met a guy during our service days and we became good friends. Our closeness was so deep that it naturally assumed the status of a relationship. Back then, he got angry with any male Corper that came close to me and (on his own part)…he does everything humanly possible to keep his distance from females.

“The last day of service before he left, he said he would come back for me. But communication between us was broken for two years.

“Recently, he has re-appeared. And began to communicate in earnest.

We are back as if nothing happened. We are both not in any relationship. I fear that he might disappear on me again.


“What do I do to keep him? I love him for who he is. Even from afar, he still wants to know my every move. He promised to come see me in my state when he is on leave. He is 31 now and I am 29.
I am a school-teacher, although I read Mass communication. He is a medical doctor.”

I will be on my guard (emotionally) with someone who disappears and re-appears…especially for no reason. Stability in matters of the heart is NOT their strongest point.

Staying in touch is the EASIEST effort that whoever envisages a future with you can make. But it’s also possible he has doubts about your own seriousness towards him since it didn’t seem you tried ENOUGH to communicate.

Thanks to the social media…there are more avenues to stay in touch with minimal inconvenience to self. I know that distance tests relationships, but it’s even in the commitment to stay in touch (against all odds) that one can gauge the seriousness of the parties involved.

I am saying this because the relationship that someone does at his/her CONVENIENCE isn’t as deep in commitment like the one that he/she goes out of his/her way to NURTURE.

So, I will advise you slow down your expectations and watch things first, lest you hang your hope in the air. I am also not comfortable with this line ‘’what do I do to keep him?’’
I sense a tad of desperation there.

What do you mean KEEP HIM? Why should you KEEP HIM?
You keep being yourself…if it leads to the next level-thank God. And if not…stay positive…yours will come. If he came back after a communication hiatus of two years, it means that you have been in his mind all along. And there is something about you that made him look back. Do you think he has not tried his luck elsewhere?

Please, relax. And learn to go one day at a time with relationships. Don’t be ahead of yourself with expectations. But give him the NECESSARY green light to understand that if he is game…you are also game. Since both of you are available at the moment.

You can be positive without expecting too much…you know?
Let me also make one thing clear…

Being in a relationship with a fellow teacher who cares will benefit your whole being more than being in a relationship with a doctor that messes with your emotions, unless emotional fulfillment is not a priority here. Here, we know how to date ‘status’ and not the individual bearing that status.

The PROMISE that he would come and see you LATER….doesn’t sound like a typical man who is EAGER to continue where you left off.

There’s one thing that I (especially) do not handle so well in relationships.

Someone (with whom I have been having intimate communications) suddenly disappearing/going incommunicado on me…even when I have made efforts to draw him or her out.

I don’t usually have the patience (is it humility?) to wait for them to come around.
I only pray that they meet me still available and (most especially!) interested…when they get over themselves.

You don’t do that to anybody. If you have moved on…keep going.
If it doesn’t pay you…branch off with someone else. Anything more will seem like attempting to destabilise the pieces that one has managed to pick up.


If I mean anything to you, don’t go COLD on me like that. Ask for a break…I will understand.
And if there are issues worrying you…TALK TO ME.

What are we (again?) to each other if you have to keep it all in and then make me bear the brunt?
Nah! Better you continue to face ‘front’ o.

You will not come back to meet the SAME girl (you left in the cold).

And very few of your excuses will fly.
…but this is me.

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Chukwuneta ObyRelationships
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