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Ask ZeeZee

By Zeezee Ihe-Okuneye 29 May 2017   |   6:32 pm

Q: My brother is in a relationship with this girl, but I believe she is in it for the wrong reasons. I think she just wants him to bear her financial and social responsibilities. Everybody else seems to notice this except him, he is talking about settling down with her and I strongly believe that it’s a great mistake. What do I do?

A: I am certain you are only watching out for your brother because you love him and do not want to see him hurt. While you and your family are certainly obligated to tell him your feelings about his chosen partner, as an adult, he reserves the right to date or marry whomever he pleases. This said, I am not saying it is acceptable to watch your sibling walk towards “dangerous grounds” but in situations like this, insisting that you know what’s best for him (I’m assuming he is an adult male) will drive him further away from you and your clan.

My take is to tell him your feelings, but more importantly that you love him and want what’s best for him. Show him that you are not standing in judgement of him or his choices and perhaps that might be what he needs to re-evaluate his choices…and even if he doesn’t change his mind, in the least, you preserve your good relationship with your brother, whom you love dearly. You’ve given him your counsel, now pray for him! Ask that he will succeed, despite your feelings about his chosen partner and leave the rest to the creator to sort things out.

I am sure this isn’t want you wanted to hear, but it is really not in yours or anyone’s place to insist on the right partner for him or any other individual. People need to make these choices for themselves and learn from these same choices in the event things go awry.

I wish you, your brother and the entire family all the best.

Q: I have a boyfriend, we’ve been going out for several months and everything is okay. Recently, I met this foreigner who seems like he could give me a better life. He is only around for a short period of time and I don’t want to lose my chance but I am conflicted.

A: Thanks for getting in touch. There is a common saying that the grass is always greener on the other side…till you get there that is. From what you’ve said, this foreigner “seems” to be able to give you a better life, so there is no guarantee that he will give you a better life. Even if you found out that this foreigner is a prince in his country, does the measure of funds at his disposal equate to the way he might end up treating you?

We have been given a conscience (which is why you are conflicted) in order to weigh the choices we intend to make. While it is certainly not in my place to tell you whether to go with this foreigner or not, I will like to let you know that it’s always best to make relationship decisions based on the right reasons. From my experience, going for someone only because there is the potential promise of a better life, is not the greatest of reasons to engage in a relationship.

 

Q: I’m seeing this guy and he has a suicidal ex girlfriend who is still in love with him. She keeps sending him emails and messages, she’s also tried calling me. I am uncomfortable with the way she manipulates him and disturbs our relationship, should I encourage him to reach out to her, as I don’t want to be the cause of her suicide.

A: You didn’t say if your boyfriend engages with her whenever she calls or emails threatening suicide?  What I think he should do is contact a family member of hers to bring to their attention their ward’s intention to commit suicide, giving them a full picture of her conversations with him. This way, if anything happens to her, they are already aware but more importantly, they could get her the help she needs, as certainly, whether manipulative or otherwise, this lady is in major need of help.

 


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