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Confrontation Is Actually Good For The Soul

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been the type of person to start a conflict. It’s always just been easier for me to keep the peace and placate people than have to point out to them what the actual issue is and have to discuss it. As I grew, so did my ability to skirt around an issue; dealing with it internally just always seemed easier and a lot less stressful. It didn’t take me long to realise my determination in avoiding confrontation gave room for people to take advantage of me because they knew I wouldn’t say or do anything about it.

I wish I could say I changed my life and now seize every opportunity to be confrontational, but this isn’t that kind of story. As life would have it, I’m still very uneasy about calling people out when they offend me or fall out of line. However, I can happily say I have developed a system that works – the striking system. Basically, what I do is mark people when they do something I don’t particular like. I deal with it internally, as usual, and get over it. Every offence is one mark/strike, and then I confront the person on the fifth.

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Even though I’m not exactly being confrontational in the full scale of the word, I still feel like it helps a little. In the time I have been operating with ,my five strike system, I have been able to resolve some issues and often end up thinking maybe I should have just confronted the person from the onset. Still, it’s a work in progress.

I understand how it might be difficult to confront someone you’re involved with – either romantically or platonically. Sometimes, we’re afraid if we confront this person, we may hurt his/her feelings. Maybe we’re afraid we’ll lose this person if we express that we are dissatisfied with something they’ve done. In some cases, people avoid confrontation because they believe the person won’t see things from their point of view and the point of expressing these thoughts will be lost. In most cases, people avoid confrontation because they are afraid of rejection, and it’s easier to just overlook things than having to deal with the pain.

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Even when I’m about to confront someone after their fifth strike, I still find myself getting cold feet from time to time. I start to think maybe I should just let it go, or let the person have one more strike. When this happens, I remind myself that confrontation has proven to have positive effects.  The most important effect confrontation has had in my life thus far is that it frees me from the burden of the situation.  A tense situation has a way of looming over a person, and affecting everything you do – even if they aren’t directly connected to that person. When you have a discussion about the situation with the person in question, it frees your mind and soul from the issue. Tense circumstances tend to loom over us and cast a shadow on the rest of our lives.

You may not believe it, but conflict and conflict resolution actually festers a healthy culture of honesty in your relationships. The more people carefully confront each other, the more they get a better sense of a working relationship with one another. As time goes on, you’ll feel more comfortable being honest with each other, and trusting each other. In a weird way, you trust a person more when you’ve had disagreements with the person, worked it out amicably, and maintained a good relationship. These are the things that actually bring people closer- staying together in spite of conflicts, and not because there isn’t any.

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