Keeping The Passion Hot
“And because iniquity shell abound, the love of many shall wax cold” (Matthew 24 vs. 12).
“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out… as coals are to burning coals and wood to fire” (Prov 26 vs. 20-21).
The Bible teaches that many waters cannot quench love. Love is like a hot magma; it runs warm. Love may be calm, but it is never enjoyed cold.
In marriage, family life, relationship, what keeps what we feel for someone on for a lifetime is beyond the first spark. A match may start a spark of fire, but it would need gas to sustain the fire.
Many relationships started as a spark of heated feeling of appreciation, love and affection, but soon, it is no more there. You begin to ask what went wrong, what could have happened?
They didn’t put the wood to the fire. They didn’t add more coals to the already burning one.
Love is a lifetime work. Lazy people can’t sustain a relationship. So, I share what I think, from my little years in life, would help keep the flame, the heart and the heat.
Realise you can lose your partner
Even after marriage, realise that you didn’t win a husband or wife. You agreed to love someone and make the person happy for the rest of your life. If you don’t put in the hardwork of pleasing your spouse, you may lose them.
No, it is not divorce. You can be in the house together, co-parenting, but except the children, nothing is between the two of you.
You could lose your partner to a career, a friend, a hobby or a sport. So, whatever you did to win the person must continue in some way. Don’t ever forget them.
We are busy. Other distractions come, I agree. But if you value what you feel for each other, you will want to ignore the distractions for a while and pay attention to your spouse that is gradually drifting from you.
Bring back the good little things
It is not the big gifts or food that made your spouse fall in love with you. Maybe it is the tender look, special touch, concern and care, sweet words, sacrifices and devotion.
You know what it was in relationship that made it so good and you said you must marry this person.
Make love often
Yes, sex should be frequent in marriage, but more of love-making. The older we get, the youthful vibes and intensity may not be there. But no one ever walked away from love.
Your spouse may be tired, but not from a kiss, a warm bath, a cuddle or bed rocking or singing till they sleep. Don’t just be roommates; be lovers.
Know that you have a forever ‘sweet heart’ and your hearts must answer to each other.
I know not many people like talking, but we all talk. Just make sure you do some with your spouse.
If you chat with your friends, club members and admirers, how much do you chat with the person you love? Nothing stops both of you from chatting with each other in the room when there are visitors or when you just want to be vocally quiet.
I have not seen a person who complains the spouse is with phone all the time if he or she receives call from the spouse, text messages, chats, pictures, videos, songs or information.
Commune. Spend time holding hands, looking at each other’s eyes.
Don’t expect perfection
In everything, we err. We even make mistakes in the things we have received awards for. Doctors do. Teachers do. The world is full of offences!
Though we try to minimise our mistakes, it stare us in the face and sometimes embarrasses us when we see ourselves do certain things we never thought we could.
Understand this. Give room for confrontation, repentance, patience and forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a gift. Love is not a gift. Forgiveness is a practice. You have to learn how to understand the frailty of man.
The Bible says a man at his best state is altogether vanity (Psalm 39: 5). We pray for strength to be the best we can be. We take responsibility for our actions, but how many of us have mastered morality or honesty or frugality? Or all these virtues we expect from others.
We will be better if we are patient with each other.
You won’t always be happy
The Bible says people’s love gets cold because of iniquity, but those who endure to the end shall be saved. Whatever must give light must endure burning.
Every marriage has where it burns. Every good thing has it happening has someone paying the price. It is the world.
We may not have all we wanted in marriage, but we can be happy. It is a choice. We can celebrate what we have and live in full.
There would be quarrels and misunderstandings, but even if you do not marry, you will still have troubles. It is just life. It is a fallen world.
Be open with your feelings of hurt and anger, but let it go. Don’t cut what you can just untie.
Be on the same team
Are you on your wife’s side? Always? Would you harm your husband once given reasons to?
I think we marry because we want to be with someone who will be with us and for us, no matter what. We don’t have to die for each other, but we can live for each other, succeed for each other and be our best for each other.
-E. C. Samuel (08027173447)
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