Marital sex: The love medicine
I once preached on “Better Lovers,” and as I grow older, I realised that I gave several points and expectations of a person that should be awarded a love certificate in marriage.
Now I realise that you don’t need do so much as you should do this one thing. The main ingredient of the love-mix is not sex or money, or even faithfulness; it is just being happy.
Even though we are hard on ourselves, try to look disciplined, serious and tough-minded, we secretly want to relax and enjoy our lives, as we know it. No one can really survive with so much grief and bitterness. We live and work, but we want to come home to laughter and happiness. We want peaceful days and loving nights.
We may act ambitions and want to achieve this or that, but we all move in the direction of ease and pleasure. Everyone does, believe me! We endure anything for the joy that is set before us.
If there is no expectation of happiness, we won’t dare so many things. Even sex will not be as appealing if not for how it makes us feel. Those who feel pain and guilt or regret after sex find it hard to engage freely. They become frigid. Sex frightens them.
I will give the several ways to do this or use this medicine of love, which heals, restores and strengthens relationship.
“A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine! But a wounded Spirit, who can bear” (Proverbs 17 vs 22).
If you don’t have a heart filled with laughter and joy, love-making will lose its satisfaction.
We consider the words we tell our spouses even in provocative moments. If you let your words be refreshing, illuminating and corrective, but full of affection, you will make love last for you.
But if your rebuke is full of threats, sarcasm, referral to past events or to your spouse’s family, you are digging a deep hole. Don’t expect it to just go.
Words matters. Words are things. Words are seeds. Some things are better left unsaid. The Bible says rights words are forceful and that a word spoken in due season is very good.
The Bible speaks of words ‘fitly spoken.’ Don’t just talk to your wife or husband; talk with, dialogue. Share views and explain reasons and be patient to let your partner catch up with you.
Choose to be satisfied. My mother is not the best cook in the world, but her meals satisfy me in a way so special. That is the way you should see your spouse. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.
Don’t begin to compare your spouse’s natural gifting to those you met in the past. He is special. Enjoy what he has. The size or looks may not be in your fantasies, but make your spouse your fantasy.
If you liked women with big boobs and now you are married to someone that that doesn’t, you can also enjoy those small ones. There are pleasures in it; God wants you to explore. Maybe what will really satisfy you is not in your fantasies.
Let us learn to accept what is given to us. You notice how we were fixed in our families? Don’t we wish sometimes we were taller or bigger or finer or like someone we admire? But who is wiser than the Creator?
You can make your spouse happy. If they realise that you are satisfied with them and in your hearts of hearts, there is no one else rivaling. You will be happy too. Like we say, “the way to be happy is to make someone happy, and we’ll have a little heaven right here.”
Everyone wants to feel accepted and wanted. It is so nice to know you are loved in a special way. Everyone is beautiful when they know they are loved. The best of us are in our loving experience.
Ask God to make your spouse happy. There is a kind joy that no man can give. There is a kind of pleasure beyond our ability.
We might be limited in some ways and can’t reach the depth of need in the lives of our spouse. We may not have all that needs to be used to make a ‘blissful union.’ But the one who brought you together can do that.
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