Should a lady propose? – Part 2
Some months ago at Houston, Texas, United States of America, my wife Carol and I sat in a park by an artificial lake just relaxing. We saw two ducks (kpekpeye) flying at top speed. The one behind was in pursuit, while the one in front was quacking. The quacking (sound made by a duck) made us and others look up.
Before we could have an idea of what was going on, the quacking duck landed on the water with the one in pursuit on its top and they started mating. I don’t really know much about the world of birds and animals, but I think that generally the male pursue the female for relationship, just as the male duck did to the female duck. Someone wrote the following to us some time ago: “I believe men propose marriage to ladies because they first of all fall in love with the lady. But what if the lady falls in love first, as is my case? Can I not propose? After all, did Ruth not propose in the Bible?”
Over twenty years ago, a lady told us something similar and we advised her not to propose. She said she did not want to die in silence. She went ahead and proposed marriage to the man, but the man turned her back in anger. Someone may say, ‘Bishop, you have not answered the question.’ My answer is simple. If a lady finds herself in love with a man, and the man is not looking her way, she should not force him to take note of her. She should not employ the tactics we call “notice me, I’m around.” Such will definitely make the lady look cheap.
If a lady is in love, the best she can do is for her to pray quietly asking God to make the man look her way. She may confide in her prayer partner and both of them can pray seriously about it. But they shouldn’t go beyond that. If it’s God’s will, He will turn the man’s heart her way. But if it’s not His will, the man may never look her way. It might be that it was infatuation or what some dudes call crush. If it is a wrong feeling, it will go away after some time. But even if you DO NOT ALLOW the feelings to go away and the man does not look your way despite your praying and fasting, heal yourself of the emotional bruises and move on with your life. The right man will come, in as much as you really desire to get married. Don’t give up.
As for Ruth in the Bible, hers was a different story. Sometime last year, one of my late father’s cousins died at the age of about 84, leaving behind a wife who is about 78 years old. The custom in my place allows the woman to pick a husband of her choice from within the family. I was in my house in Lagos, when I got a phone call that the woman picked one of my sons to be her husband, but I stopped it and she picked someone else from the family.
The Jewish custom permitted Naomi to advise Ruth the way she did that made Boaz to marry her. Ruth had lost her husband and the law permitted her to marry within her late husband’s family. She was just obeying the law, as it then was. She didn’t go outside her late husband’s family. She made herself legally available to her late husband’s next of kin. Like I always say, a lady who lives in a normal world (not abnormal world) should not propose to a man. They should be like special roses waiting to be plucked.
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